Alright here goes nothing.
Sibling rivalry is straight-up exhausting me right now and if I’m being real honest, some days I’m not even sure I’m making it better instead of worse.
My kids are 9 and almost 12 now and you’d think by this age they could share oxygen without it turning into world war III but nope. Last week they literally fought over who got to tell Alexa to play the “good” playlist. I stood there holding grocery bags like an idiot while they screamed about Morgan Wallen vs. Taylor Swift. I just dropped the bags on the floor and walked to the garage to scream into a pillow for like 90 seconds. Very adult of me Sibling Rivalry Solved.
Why My Old “Just Stop It” Strategy Was Trash
I used to think if I got loud enough they’d snap out of it. Spoiler alert: kids who are already losing their minds do not respond well to a 38-year-old woman also losing her mind. I’d end up with three people crying (them + me), the dog hiding behind the couch again, and nothing actually fixed. My voice would be gone by bedtime and I’d feel like garbage parent of the year.
The real shift started maybe four months ago after one particularly bad Saturday where they fought so hard over the last Churro from Costco that I banned screens for the whole weekend as punishment… which obviously backfired spectacularly because then they just fought over board games instead Sibling Rivalry Solved. I sat on the stairs that night eating leftover churro crumbs and thought okay something has to give and it’s probably not them.
The Dumbest Fights I’ve Broken Up Recently (Yes These Really Happened)
- Who got the blue spoon. We have like 47 spoons. They both wanted the blue one.
- Whether the cat loves one more than the other. (Cat was asleep and does not care.)
- Whose turn it was to choose the movie on Disney+. They both picked Encanto. Still fought.
- Me complimenting one kid’s new haircut 0.3 seconds before the other one walked in.
- The armrest in the backseat of my 2018 Honda Odyssey. We drive maybe 12 miles a week but that armrest is apparently priceless real estate.
Things I’ve Tried That Kinda-Sorta Work (Some Days Better Than Others)
Look I’m not an expert. These are just the things that have stopped me from pulling my hair out as often.
- The one-complaint ticket system Each kid gets one “official” complaint per day. They have to say it out loud to me or write it on a Post-it and slap it on the fridge by 7 p.m. After that, complaint window closed. Most days they forget to even use their ticket because by dinner they’re over it. Sometimes they still try to sneak in extras and I just point at the fridge like “your budget’s spent dude Sibling Rivalry Solved.”
- Forced “team time” with zero competition Once or twice a week I make them do something together that can’t really be won. Last weekend it was building the stupidest Lego creation they could think of—no judging allowed. They argued about whether it should be a monster truck or a monster-truck-eating shark but by the end they were cackling and adding googly eyes everywhere. Small win.
- The five-minute cool-down corners When it’s getting ugly I send each to a different spot (stairs, beanbag, kitchen stool) for five minutes. No talking, no phones. Timer on my phone. They hate it but it actually works way better than me trying to mediate while my brain is melting.
- Real apologies instead of fake ones I make them say one nice thing about the other person before the “sorry.” Like “I like how you always share your snacks even when you’re hangry.” Sounds corny but it lands different than a mumbled sorry-not-sorry.
Yeah I Still Mess Up Pretty Bad Sometimes
Just yesterday I snapped and yelled “I can’t listen to this anymore!” and stormed off to the laundry room. Sat on the dryer crying for like three minutes while it was in spin cycle. Came back out and my son goes “Mom you owe us an apology snack.” Fair. We all ate Popsicles on the porch in silence and it was actually kinda nice. No big lecture. Just cold sugar and quiet.
Sibling rivalry isn’t going away. Some weeks are still a dumpster fire. But the dumpster fires are shorter now and we have more random okay moments in between.
If you’re reading this while hiding in your pantry eating Goldfish out of the bag so they don’t hear the crinkle… you’re not alone and you’re not screwing it up beyond repair Sibling Rivalry Solved.
What’s one random thing you’ve tried that surprisingly didn’t suck? Tell me in the comments because I need more ideas and also solidarity.
Talk later, Bubba (still tired, still eating feelings, still trying)
