Parenting styles explained—god I didn’t even know I had a parenting style until my kid straight-up roasted me in the Target checkout line last week. He goes “Mom you always say we don’t buy toys but then you buy me this squishmallow anyway… so which is it?” And I just stood there holding a $7.99 stuffed avocado like an idiot while the cashier pretended not to hear. Brutal.
I’m writing this from my living room in suburban North Carolina right now. It’s February, kinda chilly but not real cold, the heat’s running because the house is drafty as hell. There’s a half-eaten bag of Goldfish on the coffee table, my laptop balanced on a pile of clean-but-not-folded laundry, and my six-year-old is currently arguing with Alexa about whether “Baby Shark” counts as a bedtime song. Normal Thursday Newborn Care.
So yeah. Let’s talk the main parenting styles explained, but real talk, not the textbook version Newborn Care.
The Classic Four Parenting Styles Explained (aka How I Actually Show Up)
Authoritative Parenting – The One I Aim For on Good Days
You set rules, you’re warm, you explain stuff, kids feel heard but still know who’s boss. Supposed to be the “best” one according to every child psych article ever.
I really do try. Like two weekends ago we sat down with hot chocolate (the kind with the little marshmallows because I’m extra) and made a chore chart together. We talked about why screens get turned off at 8, how it helps his brain sleep or whatever. He even drew smiley faces next to “brush teeth without being asked.” Felt like mom of the year.
Then Monday rolls around. He’s dawdling getting ready for school, I’m already late for a Zoom, and I snap “Put your shoes on or I’m throwing them in the trash!” Zero explanation, zero warmth. Chart? What chart. Authoritative parenting my ass.
Authoritarian Parenting – The Voice That Sneaks Out When I’m Stressed
“Because I said so” energy. Lots of control, not much empathy. The style most of our parents used and we all swore we’d never repeat.
I hate when I do this. It usually happens when I’m PMSing or the dog just peed on the rug again or work emailed me at 6:42pm. I’ll bark something like “I don’t care if the tag itches, GET DRESSED NOW.” His little shoulders slump and I instantly feel like garbage. I grew up hearing that tone way too much. Swore I’d break the cycle. Sometimes I still sound exactly like my mom when the dishwasher was full.
Permissive Parenting – My Go-To When I’m Just Done
Basically no real rules + all the cuddles. “Sure buddy, cookies before dinner, why not.”
This is me after a long day. Last night he asked for ice cream at 8:30. I said yes because arguing felt harder than scooping mint chocolate chip. Then he was bouncing off the walls till 10 and I was like why did I do this to myself. Again. Permissive parenting styles explained in one word: regret.
Uninvolved Parenting – The Scary One I Worry I’m Slipping Into
Parent is there physically but checked out emotionally. Kids kinda fend for themselves Newborn Care.
I’m not fully there (I hope), but I see it on the really bad days. When I’m doom-scrolling Instagram instead of playing cars with him on the floor. Or when I say “go play in your room” so I can answer one more email. It’s not on purpose—it’s survival mode. But it hits close to home because I remember being that kid waiting for my parents to look up from the TV.
For some actual research instead of my ramblings, this APA page is solid and doesn’t make you feel like a total failure: https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/styles
And this one from Cleveland Clinic is brutally honest about how most parents mix it up: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/parenting-styles
So Which Parenting Style Am I Really Using Without Realizing It?
A hot mess mash-up, honestly. 40% trying-to-be-authoritative, 35% permissive-when-exhausted, 20% authoritarian-when-triggered, and 5% straight-up zoned-out uninvolved Newborn Care. It changes by the hour sometimes.
One day I’m all gentle-parenting-vibes reading “The Whole-Brain Child” highlights on my phone. Next day I’m screaming “BECAUSE I’M THE MOM THAT’S WHY” like I blacked out and became my own mother.
Stuff I’m Actually Trying (Not That I’m Winning Yet)
- Take three deep breaths before I open my mouth when I’m mad. Sounds cheesy. Works like 60% of the time.
- Say sorry when I screw up. I told him sorry for yelling about the shoes. He hugged me so tight I almost cried in the car rider line.
- Lower the bar. If we get out the door with pants on and teeth sorta brushed, that’s a win.
- Put the phone down during playtime. Even if it’s just 15 minutes. He notices.
I’m not fixed. I probably never will be 100%. But noticing which parenting styles I’m defaulting to without thinking? That’s something.
What about you? Which one are you using on autopilot? Are you the strict one, the pushover, the mix, or do you flip like me? Tell me in the comments—I need to know I’m not the only one hiding in the pantry eating the kids’ Halloween candy in February.
